Jesse says...

I know you’re not trying to hurt me, and I’m not trying to hurt you either.

I miss you so much. You just left the house. I don’t want to be alone. Not here. Not now.

I wish you would grab me, for no reason, and hold me and tell me it’s going to be okay. Even if it’s not, I need you to tell me. I need to hold you and breathe in the smell of your hair. I miss that smell. I smell your perfume when you spray it in the house, but I miss the smell of your hair.

I really am trying to be noble. I really am trying to be pure.

And I will always be in love with you. You might not see that, or think that it’s not possible. For you, forever is a long time. But I’m not afraid of forever. I made a commitment. I made promises to you. Promises that involved forever and always. Nobility and Purity tell me to honor those promises. Being honest with myself tells me to honor those promises.

Everyone thinks I’m stupid. I’m not everyone. When have I ever let others dictate my choices?

I even try to tell myself it’s stupid to love you, but it doesn’t work, because I know the motivations behind me telling myself that, and those motivations are self-serving. Those motivations aren’t pure.

I hope that one day you realize how much you really mean to me. I don’t know if you will, because you’re not me and you don’t think like me. But I really hope that one day you are able to glimpse even just a fraction of how much I care for you. I hope that one day you see, one day you put together the pieces of my life and see how everything has lead to these moments, and you finally see. I hope that one day your mind gathers all the stories, all the memories, all the moments, and all the little things, weaves them all together and you really, truly see the way I experience you and your life.

Then you’ll know how much I love you.
Then you’ll understand why I think you’re worth it.